And So It Goes...

 I like the phrase, “And so it goes…”, it reminds me of C’est la vie… I’m aware that it expresses resignation or acceptance that things will continue to be as they have been, and continue to happen repeatedly or persistently, despite our best efforts to change things; but we can only do our best. We can continue to do our best even if we are not completely able to change the world, no matter what. It may be part of the “plan.” To me, the world is like a school. We come here to learn many lessons — how to be a truly caring, loving, kind, compassionate, patient, and a peaceful human being. 

I appreciate the teachings of many religions, Buddhism is one of them. The Buddhists believe in the Principles of Acceptance, Non-Attachment and Surrender. I’ll explain them here: 

The Principle of Acceptance refers to our ability to stay present accepting what is just as it is. Giving up the need to control anything (or everything) or anybody. Trusting life and allowing it to unfold as it is meant to be.

When life presents us with something we find painful and difficult, our tendency is to resist, avoid change or generally push against that. We need to learn to let go of the idea that we can control everything — we can’t! Some things are just meant to be… Yes, we can try our best to improve things, to do our part to help others, to bring awareness about injustices, to teach others about our beliefs and our commitments, to inspire them; but that’s it! We have to learn to let go of the belief that we can solve all of the world’s problems. We can change some things, of course, and make a difference in small ways, and this is perfectly fine. Our efforts do matter! And when many work together towards a common goal, things do happen. There will always be challenges, of course, and this is why we need one another to work together and help each other. 

We can also learn from the teachings of St. Thérèse of Lisieux and the “Little Way” idea; which is a simple approach to our spiritual life—seeking to do ordinary things, little things, with extraordinary love. Performing “little virtues,” not seeking grandiose sacrifices to God, but little acts of holiness. Let us practice the “Little Way.” 

The Buddhists also believe in the Principle of Non-Attachment. The Buddha said that attachment (and its opposite, aversion) is the root of all suffering. We easily attach to things, to people, even to ideas and desired outcomes, resting our happiness on external factors that we ultimately cannot control. The practice of non-attachment —of letting go of our ego’s constant grasping and clinging— helps alleviate our suffering and increases peace of mind. Non-attachment doesn’t imply that we let go of our plans, pursuits or goals; rather, we practice changing the energy or tone of our pursuits, focusing on the journey rather than the destination. 

The third principle is the Principle of Surrender. Surrender is closely related to the notion of acceptance. While this principle, like acceptance, encourages letting things “be,” surrender takes it one step further. When we surrender, we simply let go… we leave it to God, like they say. No matter what we surrender to, the key is that we no longer take ourselves to be supreme and in control. Surrender will feel like relief (or like grace). Surrender is letting go: letting go of the need to be right, the need to hold on to people, memories, and places, the need to judge, and any expectations and desires.

Let us practice letting go of what should have been or what should be. The Buddha said, “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” 

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” — John 16:33 

The song “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel starts, “In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong.” Let us remember that that sanctuary is God/Spirit/Love/Peace within. God/Spirit/Love/Peace is always with us! Always present… And let’s not forget the simple and powerful words by Abraham Joshua Heschel, “Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.” 

And so it goes… 
(January 16, 2024) 

“Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. …get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed. Never once in my life did I ask God for success or wisdom or power or fame. I asked for wonder, and he gave it to me. Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge. The beginning of our happiness lies in the understanding that life without wonder is not worth living.“ 

— Abraham Joshua Heschel

“Remember that there is meaning beyond absurdity. Know that every deed counts, that every word is power… Above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.” — Abraham Joshua Heschel

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Check: https://humblewarriortherapy.com/acceptance-non-attachment-surrender-how-buddhist-principles-decrease-stress/

Billy Joel's song "And So It Goes": 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY

"The Art of Life-2"

A while back (14 years ago) I was following a van with the title "The Art of Life" on the back of the vehicle. I've seen ambulances with this name also, like I said back in July 2010. I still feel that it is a great title! It makes me think, even now, that "Life is Art"... it is up to us to create our best life with optimism and a positive attitude. We are the creators, the architects of our lives. I deeply believe in the powers of the mind, what we put in there matters! We need to be careful to not fill our minds with negative and defeating thoughts. Let us fill our minds with healthy thoughts. Yes, we can do it! We have to believe that no matter what, all will be well. 

I have lived my life with this attitude. If a job no longer serves me, I move on to the next fulfilling job. I know that we all have challenges at times, even serious ones. I have had my share of health challenges. But I'm still convinced in the power of our attitudes towards life; positive and negative attitudes and thoughts make a difference. So we must be careful and be aware of our attitudes towards everything. We cannot get discouraged! We have the support of our family and friends; and if not, we have to find some form of support. Find time to reflect, to pay attention to your thoughts... and to live one day at a time! You don't have to be religious or spiritual, you just have to pay attention to your defeating and negative thoughts and get rid of them! Voice or write down positive thoughts to cancel out the negative ones. Start believing and loving yourself. Walk in nature... find the things you are grateful for (write them down), and focus on the positive, your talents and gifts, the beauty and the good of the world. Do not despair! Remember how beautiful you are! Walk with your head held high... and never, never feel like a victim! We can learn to be peaceful and change our mental attitudes. We can fill our minds with creative and healthy thoughts!

I believe in reading books, websites, and quotes that inspire me. We need to nurture our soul. Inspiration is like nutrition, like Norman Vincent Peale used to say (he popularized the concept of positive thinking and wrote "The Power of Positive Thinking" which I read years ago). He said, "Motivation is like nutrition. It must be taken daily and in healthy doses to keep it going." He also wrote, "I recommend a mind-emptying at least twice a day, more often if necessary. Definitely practice emptying your mind of fears, hates, insecurities, regrets, and guilt feelings. The mere fact that you consciously make this effort to empty your mind tends to give relief." Find the book in PDF format here: https://www.law-of-attraction-haven.com/support-files/the-power-of-positive-thinking.pdf.

Music is also extremely important. Find music that you like and love and inspires you, experiment, and listen to music every day. Music cheers us up. I hope you try your best to stay motivated, to stay in love with your life. Let us try to find ways to remain inspired and strong, to never give up!

“Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. ...get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.” ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

"Just to be is a blessing. Just to be is holy." ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

“It's always too soon to quit!” ― Norman Vincent Peale

“Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.” 

― Norman Vincent Peale

“Optimism, when applied to your life, develops strength and peace within you.” ― Norman Vincent Peale

"The secret is to fill your mind with thoughts of faith, confidence and security. This will force out or expel all thoughts of doubt, all lack of confidence." ― Norman Vincent Peale

"Repeat—slowly, bringing out the melody in each—a series of calming words: Peace, tranquility, serenity, quietness…” ― Norman Vincent Peale

“Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only the best, be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.” ― Norman Vincent Peale

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Check the previous blog on The Art of Life here:
https://karolspeaksup.blogspot.com/2010/07/art-of-life.html 
(or under Previous Posts on the right side of this blog)

Don't Take Things Personally

How hard it is not to take things personally! You always find in life people that make you feel bad, that judge you, that criticize you, that talk about you (for no reason at all), that bully you. I know some of us are more sensitive than others. In fact, I believe that as I’m getting older I’m becoming hypersensitive, and I must try harder not to be affected by the words and actions of others (by the negative energy of others). I always remember Maya Angelou’s quote (which I love!) “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” It is so true! So we must try our best not to be bothered by the negativity and “drama” that others create and carry with them. We must try to ignore their "poison."

But how can we protect ourselves from such “poison”? How can we ignore these people? People that take their frustrations, anger, resentments, guilty feelings on others? People that love to make fun of others, that call others names, that bully others in different ways. They either lack empathy, or are in such “pain” themselves that feel the need to cause pain in others. Why? And now we have a president who enjoys doing this... bullying and demeaning others, not a very good example for the citizens and young people of this beautiful country and this world.

Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote "The Four Agreements" and "The Mastery of Love" wrote: “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."

"When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it."

"As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”

What a beautiful message, but so difficult to follow his advice. It is hard isn't it? What a challenge we have to put this in practice for a more peaceful and happy life. We can do it! We can arm ourselves with patience toward others, and fill ourselves with compassion, understanding, love and kindness. Let's try our best to put this in practice and not take things personally - just go with the flow and live one day at a time!

"Don't let the behaviors of others destroy your inner peace." ~ Dalai Lama

"How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you."

"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go."
~ Daniell Koepke (check her online, she's a clinical psychologist and has written some great quotes)

"Some people will never get you... NEVER. When you accept that, you will have peace and inner direction."

"One of the ugliest things in the world is a human without compassion." 
~ Karen Salmansohn

"Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution."

"Negative people give off negative vibes and are an energy drain. Surround yourself with positive people." (Womenworking.com)

"It's OK to dislike someone, but it is not OK to disrespect, degrade and humiliate that person."
(Womenworking.com)

"Keep your distance from people who will never admit they are wrong and who always try to make you feel like it's your fault."

"The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you'll tolerate."

"Happiness is an inside job. Don't assign anyone else that much power over your life." ~ Mandy Hale

"One day at a time

this is enough!

Do not look back and

grieve over the past

for it is gone

Do not be troubled

about the future

for it has not yet come

LIVE IN THE PRESENT

Live in the present

and make it so BEAUTIFUL

that it will be worth remembering."

~ Ida Scott Taylor

"BE SOFT

Do not let the world

make you hard

Do not let pain

make you hate

Do not let the bitterness

steal your sweetness"

"Try your best to stay POSITIVE."

Poisoned Minds

I recently ordered a book called "Poison Mind"— the true story of the Mensa murderer and the policewoman who risked her life to bring him to justice. This so-called genius (a Mensa member) killed his neighbor, one of her children and a grandchild by poisoning their Coca-Cola drinks, just because he was upset that the teens that lived next-door were very loud. I heard about this story on TV, and yes! I'm fascinated with crime shows (stories of murder)! It is so hard for me to understand how some people become so cruel and angry, and so "poisoned"— that they choose to inflict pain in others, abusing them and even killing them. Some people even feel pleasure when they hurt others (even doing the most inconceivable things). Mind-blowing! I like to try to analyze the minds of others. What motivates them to commit such crimes? How can seemingly "normal" people (or what we thought were normal people) commit such atrocities?

I like to ponder things (many things), and in listening today to Thich Nhat Hanh (a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, a beautiful peaceful person) speak about "Mindfulness," "Happiness" and "Compassion" and how we can learn to accept our suffering and become more compassionate and loving toward others, some questions arose in my mind: Can human beings become so "poisoned"— embracing anger, negative thoughts, resentments, guilt, fear and other negative emotions so deeply — that they lose control or snap and do terrible things? Can people become so afraid that they feel justified in killing others? Can people have such little tolerance toward others, and such anger, that they see nothing wrong in killing, injuring, bullying or insulting others? I'm afraid the answer is YES to all.

And then, the questions are WHY? and HOW? (how did it come to this?) and what can WE do to enlighten others? Hatred, misery, violence are not the answers! I feel that it is our responsibility to do our best to nourish ourselves with positive thoughts and emotions, "to feed our happiness" like Thich Nhat Hanh said. To make sure that our minds are not so "poisoned" and brain-washed, that we see nothing wrong with hating and harming others (physically or mentally). I also heard someone say (today) that one of the hardest things we have to learn is to "love others that are not lovable." This also spoke to me, it is so hard to do! Our goal should be to become "loving" and "peaceful" human beings and all that that entails. Learning to be patient, at times extremely patient, kind, happy, unselfish, caring and understanding people, not an easy task! But so rewarding! We must try our best to avoid conflicts (including wars), through our positive interactions with others, communicating properly and avoiding confrontations. I know, life is hard, we cannot get along with everyone, we cannot be "always" happy; but we can make it a happy life when we learn to get rid of what "poisons" us. When we learn to appreciate what we have (the good things) and understand that it is our responsibility to make our lives happy, that WE CAN DO IT, that we can accomplish and create great things, and just try our best to take it one day at a time, being mindful of the beauty that surrounds us, enjoying our many moments, our family, our friends, nature, etc.

I remember that Norman Vincent Peale (in "The Power of Positive Thinking") wrote that inspiration is like nutrition, we have to take it everyday — "inspiration and motivation are exactly like nutrition, you have to keep on taking it daily, in healthy doses." It is our responsibility to do this!

We cannot feel like victims in this life (even if many terrible things happened to us). We have to learn to forgive, to let go, to heal, to become the best that we can be! We have to, again quoting Thich Nhat Hanh, "understand the suffering that is within us and learn to be compassionate toward others." We MUST learn to love ourselves! "Happiness is like love, we must feed it." We must "be fully present in the here and in the now." "Touch the miracle that you are alive." Learn to love your life or do whatever you have to do to love your life!

Louise Hay is also a wonderful teacher! She believes in the power of affirmations. Check her out! She gives great advice and has written some great books! There are many teachers out there, find them! Find inspirational messages in books, in magazines, in websites, wherever! Positive messages! Don't poison your mind with negative stuff (you can replace "stuff" for any word you wish, anything that diminishes who you are, that makes you feel bad and unworthy, that makes you angry, fearful or anxious). You are a beautiful person (we are beautiful persons), with a special mission/purpose and a spark of greatness within us! Don't ever give up!

Always remember that to be healthier (mentally and physically) we must pay attention to our feelings, thoughts and emotions. These can poison us if they are negative for extended periods of time. We will have them, it's normal, but we must learn to let go of them (whatever it takes without harming others or ourselves). It's easy to become our own worst enemy, like they say, and there's plenty of new research making the connection between our bodies, minds and spirit. If our souls, or minds, or brains, or deeper selves (if you prefer to call it this way) are sick with poisonous thoughts and emotions, our physical bodies will suffer too. We could get physically (and/or mentally) ill. So it's imperative to "pay attention." Take good care of yourselves! All the best to you!

And so it goes... And life goes on!

Here I am again trying to write something on this blog, which most of the time I neglect due to my work responsibilities and the many distractions we have today. I love "wasting" time using Facebook, creating fun exercises for my students (I teach two Graphic Design classes now), creating digital art, reading, taking care of our very old dog Lucy (17 years old) and our other pets (an old cockatiel and an old lop-ear bunny), doing things with my family, gardening, etc. And to me now, more than ever, time flies! 

[I cannot believe the last time I wrote here was back in 2012 (even when I have many blogs, it's hard to believe). Which really tells me that sometimes I tend to do, or try to do, too much and then I cannot keep up! Creating my Spanish Blogs for my Spanish classes (Spanish I and II) the previous two years, was very time-consuming; as it was teaching the language (I truly have great admiration for language teachers now!). What a job it is! I had also previously created blogs for all my other classes, Computer Applications and Digital Applications. Now I have a blog for my Graphic Design Classes, never a dull moment!]

Why is it that as I get older time seems to go faster and faster? Who knows? I think we simply get too busy at times. One thing I always noticed, particularly in this country (this doesn't happen in Latin America as much), is that people -in general- work very hard. People work long hours, some with crazy schedules, and are always rushing. I keep telling myself "life is not a race" and yet, I have done this too. As a teacher, you not only work in school, you also work from home, and being a perfectionist is a problem - I tend to overdo it. There is nothing wrong with working very hard for a period of time, let's say a period of 20 years (or 30 years, depending on your preferences), but after that, we must learn to shift our priorities, in my opinion, and concentrate on other things that have special meaning to us, things we always wanted to accomplish but didn't have the time to do. Maybe volunteering in an Animal Rescue place, maybe writing or pursuing artistic endeavors, maybe traveling and photography, etc. (the list is endless...).

And so, life goes on! And life, to me anyway, seems to fly pretty fast, and I'm on a stage in my life where I want to SLOW DOWN and simplify my life, as much as possible. I don't want to worry about pleasing people anymore, about going out of my way to make things "perfect" or as "close to perfect" as possible. Who cares? It's okay to make mistakes! It's okay to do less!

I have to admit I was disappointed when after working so hard for 11 years, in a school that I loved, I was let go (with five other people), just like that! It's been a struggle to come to grips with the reality that sometimes people don't care how loyal you are, how dedicated and hard you work, if they have another agenda -you do become "dispensable."

I used to believe and still believe that WE ARE ALL INDISPENSABLE (in one way or another)! It's just that some people don't truly appreciate our work, or they worry about their company's/organization's/school's financial situation too much (many times unnecessarily) and rush to fire people that don't deserve it. While other employees that are not productive, loyal, deserving and caring remain in their positions. It is an irony in so many ways, mind-blowing, but we must move on! “Let bygones be bygones,” like people say.

So here I am at another crossroad in my life, trying to decide what to do in my future. Besides teaching digital art, I would like to find more time to do the many things I love, and "work" less. We don't have to prove to anyone how productive we are, how much we can do, and get so busy that we don’t find time to do the “ordinary” things that are also important in our lives. Life is not a race!

Let’s simplify our lives and find time to enjoy nature, our families, a hobby, learning something new, helping others, and doing the things that have meaning to us. Let’s do what makes us happy and what gives us life!

"Do the things that you know give you life! Don't feel bad to leave, when you know you MUST do the things that give you life." ~ Barbara Brown Taylor

According to Barbara Brown Taylor, who wrote the book "Learning to Walk in the Dark" - we must ask ourselves: "What is giving us life? What is saving our life?" Important questions indeed! Let's reflect on this.  And so it goes... and life goes on!

Here we go again...

So sad... so unbelievable! How can someone even consider killing innocent children? It is truly mind-boggling! How can we stop this from happening? Could stricter gun controls help? Could better mental health care help? Could better parenting help? Could more spirituality help? These are the questions I ask myself. How can we prevent something this terrible from happening again? What are the answers?

I personally feel that we must do something to prevent criminals, mentally ill people, and even outstanding citizens from acquiring guns so easily, especially automatic or semi-automatic weapons with the capacity of killing many innocent people in a matter of minutes. Why does anyone need such powerful assault weapons? Studies have shown that usually people that own guns end up hurting themselves, or hurting loved ones. We must give this topic serious thought and start coming up with better ideas and better solutions. I feel that we should follow the example of Great Britain, where they have much stricter gun controls.

According to: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10220974:

"The UK has some of the toughest gun control laws in the world. If you want to own a gun, it is very difficult to do so. In short, it has been designed to put as many barriers in the way as possible and to assume the worst, rather than hope for the best. In the United States, you can declare that it is your constitutional right to bear arms. But in the UK, you need to spend hours filling in paperwork and proving to police officers that you are not a danger to society. The system is administered by police forces in each part of the UK and in England, Scotland and Wales there are separate licences for shotguns and for other firearms.

Getting a licence is a long and complicated business. Every stage of the process is designed to reduce the likelihood of a gun falling into the wrong hands. It starts with an application form which asks specific questions about why the individual wants a gun, telling them they need to show 'good reason.' The criteria are tougher for firearms than shotguns because weapons that fire bullets must only be used for specific purposes in specific places. These would include deer stalking or sports shooting on an approved range. In contrast, shotguns tend to be used in more general rural circumstances, such as by farmers who are protecting livestock from foxes - and police recognize that landowners need guns for pest control.

Independent referees provide confidential character statements in which they are expected to answer in detail about the applicant's mental state, home life and attitude towards guns. Officers check the Police National Computer for a criminal record and they speak to the applicant's GP for evidence of alcoholism, drug abuse or signs of personality disorder. Social services can also be asked for reasons to turn down an applicant. Finally, senior officers must be sure that prospective shotgun holders have a secure location for the weapon, typically a dedicated gun cabinet. Each certificate is valid for five years.

The two most important laws came in the wake of two national tragedies. Michael Ryan's massacre of 16 people in Hungerford in 1987 led to the banning of all modern semi-automatic rifles, the range of guns that can be fired rapidly without needing to be reloaded. Nine years later, Thomas Hamilton killed 16 schoolchildren and their teacher when he opened fire at a school in Dunblane. Parliament banned all handguns and there is now a mandatory five-year jail sentence for possession.

Since then, we have seen moves against criminal conversion of imitation firearms - a tactic used by backstreet engineers working for gangs."

So, even though nothing is completely foolproof, I do feel that stricter gun controls would help, it has helped in the UK. Of course another issue is how to better help mentally ill people. Our present mental health care system is obviously not working well. So many people don't get proper care, especially when they need it the most, and the young are even more vulnerable. There's a lot to discuss and consider to make this country a safer one. We must put more pressure on our government and our legislators to make something happen! We cannot give up...

"Drama"

Why is it that some people create so much "drama" in their lives and the lives of others? Have you ever considered this question? I have a “friend” who’s driving me crazy lately with all the drama she creates in her life; and I don’t think she even realizes how negative and annoying she has become. How can we explain to someone that believes she’s always right, and that gets upset very easily and thinks we did something on purpose to hurt her, and is so highly sensitive about everything, that the way she’s reacting and acting is bringing her more drama and negative outcomes? She's affecting the people who surround her, her family, her friends, etc. Stressing everyone including herself, blaming everyone for her problems and not taking responsibility for her actions and inactions.

I believe that in large measure we create our own reality; and we are responsible of creating beauty, happiness, good health, peace or chaos in our lives. Of course, sometimes, like Randy Pausch said: "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” But in my opinion, we must remain optimistic and positive as much as we can, concentrate in the good of others, the good in ourselves, the good in every situation and know that the bad experiences and trials will pass. We all go through tough times at times!

It is so hard to deal with people that thrive on drama. They complicate things so much and incessantly thrive on negative attention. They call friends only to complain and talk about their miseries, never anything positive. They make us feel bad! They want us to believe that we are the ones with the problem... They think they're perfect! God forbid if we are honest with them and try to pinpoint a few of their weaknesses, they take offense right away (who are we to criticize them?) I'm dealing with someone like this right now and it is really stressing me out a lot! I try to be a loving and compassionate friend, and yet, my "friend" assumes things that are not true all the time. She creates certain scenarios to explain some of her behaviors or reasons why she doesn't want to, or cannot, work now, or do something else, or why this, or why that. She hates everyone, her boss, her co-workers, her neighbors, her brother, her relatives, etc. She has too many health problems, her daughter is a mess, etc. I'm even considering stopping our friendship, due to the stress of dealing with someone like her. You may say... what are you waiting for? I like to give people second chances, but at this point I'm at my wit's end with her. We all have some stress in our lives and don't need more than our share. We don't need to explain ourselves all the time, and we don't need to feel like we're walking on egg shells all the time.

I think this behavior is mostly seen in girls and women - not that there aren't any men who exhibit these traits (I know someone at work that is a big "drama king") - and it's so unbecoming! We all like to get attention once in a while, it's only human; but some people thrive on excess drama and behave in outlandish ways to attract any kind of attention. They're not even aware of the stress and undue emotional upset they're causing others. We must learn to be more aware of how our actions and reactions affect others, and learn to be more considerate and not become emotional drains on others. I like what they say in the following site: Harvest of Daily Live: "We often get criticized for pointing out the positive stuff about the situation when this person whines on about all the negative. When we express displeasure over the drama, sad stories or rude comments we are made to feel stupid for feeling or thinking that way. It is clear our views and opinions are not welcome or accepted yet we are expected to remain in the encounter and act as they want us to."

The following site https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthier-minds-happier-world/202311/how-to-recognize-adult-bullying has a great explanation for this type of behavior, titled "How to Recognize and Deal with Adult Bullying." "Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than intelligence quotient, or IQ." Source: https://lasdisidentes.com/2013/11/05/drama-queens-saviours-rescuers-feigners-and-attention-seekers/.

I read that the emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.

Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly (and sadly) very common. Being the center of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love. Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviors, as well, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming.

Very interesting! But who really wants to deal with people like this? It's not easy! It takes a lot of patience and tolerance; and after a while, we just give up; especially when we realize they don't want or are willing to change; that they are very "self-centered," will never admit that they like to create all this drama wherever they go, are simply not willing to change, and, consciously or unconsciously, they enjoy manipulating people - they're getting something out of it. They're on denial and somehow get a kick out of it, because it inflates their ego, I think. They perceive this as some kind of "power." In the meantime, they keep complaining about everything and are always looking for an audience. So, we must keep people like this at bay, since they cause true emotional drain and can weaken us.

I personally feel that people that act this way (the drama kings and queens) can drain our energy to the point of exhaustion, and of course are very hard to deal with. Many times they end up isolating themselves, since people in general avoid them due to their annoying behavior. You can find another good article at: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-crucial-steps-to-minimize-drama-in-your-life/. So get informed and try to avoid or not pay too much attention to "drama" people; and let's try our best not to become like them! Yesterday I found this quote in Facebook: "Protect your spirit from contamination, limit your time with negative people." (Love it!)

Then, I remind myself of "The Paradoxical Commandments" by Kent M. Keith (that many attributed to Mother Teresa because she hung them on a wall of her children's home in Calcutta, India):

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/