"Drama"

Why is it that some people create so much "drama" in their lives and the lives of others? Have you ever considered this question? I have a “friend” who’s driving me crazy lately with all the drama she creates in her life; and I don’t think she even realizes how negative and annoying she has become. How can we explain to someone that believes she’s always right, and that gets upset very easily and thinks we did something on purpose to hurt her, and is so highly sensitive about everything, that the way she’s reacting and acting is bringing her more drama and negative outcomes? She's affecting the people who surround her, her family, her friends, etc. Stressing everyone including herself, blaming everyone for her problems and not taking responsibility for her actions and inactions.

I believe that in large measure we create our own reality; and we are responsible of creating beauty, happiness, good health, peace or chaos in our lives. Of course, sometimes, like Randy Pausch said: "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” But in my opinion, we must remain optimistic and positive as much as we can, concentrate in the good of others, the good in ourselves, the good in every situation and know that the bad experiences and trials will pass. We all go through tough times at times!

It is so hard to deal with people that thrive on drama. They complicate things so much and incessantly thrive on negative attention. They call friends only to complain and talk about their miseries, never anything positive. They make us feel bad! They want us to believe that we are the ones with the problem... They think they're perfect! God forbid if we are honest with them and try to pinpoint a few of their weaknesses, they take offense right away (who are we to criticize them?) I'm dealing with someone like this right now and it is really stressing me out a lot! I try to be a loving and compassionate friend, and yet, my "friend" assumes things that are not true all the time. She creates certain scenarios to explain some of her behaviors or reasons why she doesn't want to, or cannot, work now, or do something else, or why this, or why that. She hates everyone, her boss, her co-workers, her neighbors, her brother, her relatives, etc. She has too many health problems, her daughter is a mess, etc. I'm even considering stopping our friendship, due to the stress of dealing with someone like her. You may say... what are you waiting for? I like to give people second chances, but at this point I'm at my wit's end with her. We all have some stress in our lives and don't need more than our share. We don't need to explain ourselves all the time, and we don't need to feel like we're walking on egg shells all the time.

I think this behavior is mostly seen in girls and women - not that there aren't any men who exhibit these traits (I know someone at work that is a big "drama king") - and it's so unbecoming! We all like to get attention once in a while, it's only human; but some people thrive on excess drama and behave in outlandish ways to attract any kind of attention. They're not even aware of the stress and undue emotional upset they're causing others. We must learn to be more aware of how our actions and reactions affect others, and learn to be more considerate and not become emotional drains on others. I like what they say in the following site: Harvest of Daily Live: "We often get criticized for pointing out the positive stuff about the situation when this person whines on about all the negative. When we express displeasure over the drama, sad stories or rude comments we are made to feel stupid for feeling or thinking that way. It is clear our views and opinions are not welcome or accepted yet we are expected to remain in the encounter and act as they want us to."

The following site http://www.bullyonline.org/attent.htm has a great explanation for this type of behavior, titled "The need for attention." They mention that "human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than intelligence quotient, or IQ."

"The emotionally immature person, however, has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are."

"Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly common. Being the center of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love. Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviors, as well, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming."

Very interesting! But who really wants to deal with people like this? It's not easy! It takes a lot of patience and tolerance; and after a while, we just give up; especially when we realize they don't want or are willing to change; that they are very "self-centered," will never admit that they like to create all this drama wherever they go, are simply not willing to change, and, consciously or unconsciously, they enjoy manipulating people - they're getting something out of it. They're on denial and somehow get a kick out of it, because it inflates their ego, I think. They perceive this as some kind of "power." In the meantime, they keep complaining about everything and are always looking for an audience. So, we must keep people like this at bay, since they cause true emotional drain and can weaken us.

Another good site to check is: http://healing.about.com/dramaaddiction.htm. I personally feel that people that act this way (the drama kings and queens) can drain our energy to the point of exhaustion, and of course are very hard to deal with. Many times they end up isolating themselves, since people in general avoid them due to their annoying behavior. You can find another good article at: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-crucial-steps-to-minimize-drama-in-your-life/. So get informed and try to avoid or not pay too much attention to "drama" people; and let's try our best not to become like them! Yesterday I found this quote in Facebook: "Protect your spirit from contamination, limit your time with negative people." (Love it!)

Then, I remind myself of "The Paradoxical Commandments" by Kent M. Keith (that many attributed to Mother Teresa because she hung them on a wall of her children's home in Calcutta, India):

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/