The Hell of Alzheimer's

This past Sunday, when we visited my Mother-in-Law in the Nursing Home where she lives (because of her Alzheimer's Disease), we had a very sad experience that still hunts me. It seemed that she woke up from her slumber of many years -that for a small period of time she woke up- and started communicating with us her thoughts and feelings.

It was so hard to hear her talk about wanting to die, about hating where she's at, begging God for help (Oh God, Oh God... please help me!), asking where her parents are, why she's there, she cannot take it anymore... What can you say? She's had this terrible disease for more than five years now, most of the time when we visit her she doesn't even recognize us and she's usually quiet or just mentions a few things that doesn't make any sense. On this day she recognized us and she could hardly stop crying. She remembered her apartment (she hasn't been there since 2002) and wanted to know when she could go back. All we could do was to try to calm her down; which is hard to do since she's very hard of hearing. We hugged her and tried to explain why she's there. I told her that one day she'll see her parents and relatives again and that she'll be happy again, that she has to let go, just let go... to stop fighting so much. She said she doesn't want to be happy, she just wants to die...

How hard it is for people suffering from this devastating disease and for their loved ones. They're living hell on earth. She's been such a fighter all her life. I think she's finally giving up; living like this isn't worth it. I just hope she can find some peace soon. I love her, we love her and it hurts to see her suffering like this.

Am I mirroring you?

Has it ever happened to you that you can tell when someone dislikes you very much? Even when you really just don't know why? Sometimes no matter how caring and loving and respectful one tries to be, someone will dislike you (or even hate you) for no apparent reason. You can feel it, you can sense it, you know that for some unknown reason this one person has a problem with you. It is mind-boggling at times. I used to have this situation at work (former job) and I simply couldn't figure out why this person had a problem with me, why she seemed to be so upset... Was she upset all the time and just pretended to be happy and nice some times? Who knows? My co-workers seemed to dislike her a lot (clue?); she wasn't very friendly. Maybe she was very insecure and hid behind this wall of indifference and silence... Maybe she felt threatened or believed that she was always right and misjudged and criticized others when their actions were different than hers... Maybe she was jealous, because others didn't pay too much attention to her... or maybe she just didn't know any better and was having some difficult times in her life, and we all misinterpreted her actions. The truth is that we all have our weaknesses and particularities, so we should not judge others too harshly (we really should never judge or criticize others at all...)

Maybe I should have simply asked her why she was upset with me (since I had no clue). I should have confronted her, surprised her and asked her why she didn't like me, what I did to upset her so much, or just ask her if I could be of any help. I admit it, I don't like the feeling of being disliked (or the feeling of thinking that someone doesn't like me); even though I know it's impossible for everyone to like us or for us to like everyone; it is not a good feeling - it always bothers me when it happens. After all, we are just human beings and we all make mistakes, and some times we hurt others (even if this was not our intention). Some people are more sensitive than others, take things very personally and get more easily upset about silly little things. Also, like they say, others (and us) become like mirrors. Others see in us their weaknesses and we see in them our weaknesses. So even when another person is truly nice and kind, there are times when we only see her faults (her faults, or our faults and shortcomings in her). I enjoy being caring and friendly toward others; and the truth is that it upsets me when others seem upset with me when I don't know the reason. Then again, maybe they are just mirroring some of my weaknesses too...

We have to make the effort to concentrate in people's goodness, in their qualities, their strengths, their gifts and talents - their BEST! If we only concentrate in their shortcomings that's all we will see. Let's learn from our mistakes and others' mistakes and forgive one another for being human. Am I mirroring you? Do you see your faults in me? Faults that you don't even realize you have? It is complicated being "human", don't you think?

This reminds me of a poem I have in my website (TeensSelfHelp.com) - check http://teensselfhelp.com/BeYourBestSelf.html:

Be Your Best Self ...

The good you find in others, is in you too.
The faults you find in others, are your faults as well.
After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.
The beauty you see around you, is your beauty.

The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you
the person you are.
To change your world, you must change yourself.
To blame and complain will only make matters worse.

Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.
What you see in others, shows you yourself.
See the best in others, and you will be your best.

Give to others, and you give to yourself.
Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.
Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.
Seek to understand, and you will be understood.
Listen, and your voice will be heard.

Teach, and you will learn.
Show your best face to the mirror, and you'll be happy with
the face looking back at you.