The Hell of Alzheimer's

This past Sunday, when we visited my Mother-in-Law in the Nursing Home where she lives (because of her Alzheimer's Disease), we had a very sad experience that still hunts me. It seemed that she woke up from her slumber of many years -that for a small period of time she woke up- and started communicating with us her thoughts and feelings.

It was so hard to hear her talk about wanting to die, about hating where she's at, begging God for help (Oh God, Oh God... please help me!), asking where her parents are, why she's there, she cannot take it anymore... What can you say? She's had this terrible disease for more than five years now, most of the time when we visit her she doesn't even recognize us and she's usually quiet or just mentions a few things that doesn't make any sense. On this day she recognized us and she could hardly stop crying. She remembered her apartment (she hasn't been there since 2002) and wanted to know when she could go back. All we could do was to try to calm her down; which is hard to do since she's very hard of hearing. We hugged her and tried to explain why she's there. I told her that one day she'll see her parents and relatives again and that she'll be happy again, that she has to let go, just let go... to stop fighting so much. She said she doesn't want to be happy, she just wants to die...

How hard it is for people suffering from this devastating disease and for their loved ones. They're living hell on earth. She's been such a fighter all her life. I think she's finally giving up; living like this isn't worth it. I just hope she can find some peace soon. I love her, we love her and it hurts to see her suffering like this.