Don't Take Things Personally

How hard it is not to take things personally! You always find in life people that make you feel bad, that judge you, that criticize you, that talk about you (for no reason at all), that bully you. I know some of us are more sensitive than others. In fact, I believe that as I’m getting older I’m becoming hypersensitive, and I must try harder not to be affected by the words and actions of others (by the negative energy of others). I always remember Maya Angelou’s quote (which I love!) “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” It is so true! So we must try our best not to be bothered by the negativity and “drama” that others create and carry with them. We must try to ignore their "poison."

But how can we protect ourselves from such “poison”? How can we ignore these people? People that take their frustrations, anger, resentments, guilty feelings on others? People that love to make fun of others, that call others names, that bully others in different ways. They either lack empathy, or are in such “pain” themselves that feel the need to cause pain in others. Why? And now we have a president who enjoys doing this... bullying and demeaning others, not a very good example for the citizens and young people of this beautiful country and this world.

Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote "The Four Agreements" and "The Mastery of Love" wrote: “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."

"When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it."

"As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”

What a beautiful message, but so difficult to follow his advice. It is hard isn't it? What a challenge we have to put this in practice for a more peaceful and happy life. We can do it! We can arm ourselves with patience toward others, and fill ourselves with compassion, understanding, love and kindness. Let's try our best to put this in practice and not take things personally - just go with the flow and live one day at a time!

"Don't let the behaviors of others destroy your inner peace." ~ Dalai Lama

"How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you."

"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go."
~ Daniell Koepke (check her online, she's a clinical psychologist and has written some great quotes)

"Some people will never get you... NEVER. When you accept that, you will have peace and inner direction."

"One of the ugliest things in the world is a human without compassion." 
~ Karen Salmansohn

"Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution."

"Negative people give off negative vibes and are an energy drain. Surround yourself with positive people." (Womenworking.com)

"It's OK to dislike someone, but it is not OK to disrespect, degrade and humiliate that person."
(Womenworking.com)

"Keep your distance from people who will never admit they are wrong and who always try to make you feel like it's your fault."

"The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you'll tolerate."

"Happiness is an inside job. Don't assign anyone else that much power over your life." ~ Mandy Hale

"One day at a time

this is enough!

Do not look back and

grieve over the past

for it is gone

Do not be troubled

about the future

for it has not yet come

LIVE IN THE PRESENT

Live in the present

and make it so BEAUTIFUL

that it will be worth remembering."

~ Ida Scott Taylor

"BE SOFT

Do not let the world

make you hard

Do not let pain

make you hate

Do not let the bitterness

steal your sweetness"

"Try your best to stay POSITIVE."

Poisoned Minds

I recently ordered a book called "Poison Mind"— the true story of the Mensa murderer and the policewoman who risked her life to bring him to justice. This so-called genius (a Mensa member) killed his neighbor, one of her children and a grandchild by poisoning their Coca-Cola drinks, just because he was upset that the teens that lived next-door were very loud. I heard about this story on TV, and yes! I'm fascinated with crime shows (stories of murder)! It is so hard for me to understand how some people become so cruel and angry, and so "poisoned"— that they choose to inflict pain in others, abusing them and even killing them. Some people even feel pleasure when they hurt others (even doing the most inconceivable things). Mind-blowing! I like to try to analyze the minds of others. What motivates them to commit such crimes? How can seemingly "normal" people (or what we thought were normal people) commit such atrocities?

I like to ponder things (many things), and in listening today to Thich Nhat Hanh (a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, a beautiful peaceful person) speak about "Mindfulness," "Happiness" and "Compassion" and how we can learn to accept our suffering and become more compassionate and loving toward others, some questions arose in my mind: Can human beings become so "poisoned"— embracing anger, negative thoughts, resentments, guilt, fear and other negative emotions so deeply — that they lose control or snap and do terrible things? Can people become so afraid that they feel justified in killing others? Can people have such little tolerance toward others, and such anger, that they see nothing wrong in killing, injuring, bullying or insulting others? I'm afraid the answer is YES to all.

And then, the questions are WHY? and HOW? (how did it come to this?) and what can WE do to enlighten others? Hatred, misery, violence are not the answers! I feel that it is our responsibility to do our best to nourish ourselves with positive thoughts and emotions, "to feed our happiness" like Thich Nhat Hanh said. To make sure that our minds are not so "poisoned" and brain-washed, that we see nothing wrong with hating and harming others (physically or mentally). I also heard someone say (today) that one of the hardest things we have to learn is to "love others that are not lovable." This also spoke to me, it is so hard to do! Our goal should be to become "loving" and "peaceful" human beings and all that that entails. Learning to be patient, at times extremely patient, kind, happy, unselfish, caring and understanding people, not an easy task! But so rewarding! We must try our best to avoid conflicts (including wars), through our positive interactions with others, communicating properly and avoiding confrontations. I know, life is hard, we cannot get along with everyone, we cannot be "always" happy; but we can make it a happy life when we learn to get rid of what "poisons" us. When we learn to appreciate what we have (the good things) and understand that it is our responsibility to make our lives happy, that WE CAN DO IT, that we can accomplish and create great things, and just try our best to take it one day at a time, being mindful of the beauty that surrounds us, enjoying our many moments, our family, our friends, nature, etc.

I remember that Norman Vincent Peale (in "The Power of Positive Thinking") wrote that inspiration is like nutrition, we have to take it everyday — "inspiration and motivation are exactly like nutrition, you have to keep on taking it daily, in healthy doses." It is our responsibility to do this!

We cannot feel like victims in this life (even if many terrible things happened to us). We have to learn to forgive, to let go, to heal, to become the best that we can be! We have to, again quoting Thich Nhat Hanh, "understand the suffering that is within us and learn to be compassionate toward others." We MUST learn to love ourselves! "Happiness is like love, we must feed it." We must "be fully present in the here and in the now." "Touch the miracle that you are alive." Learn to love your life or do whatever you have to do to love your life!

Louise Hay is also a wonderful teacher! She believes in the power of affirmations. Check her out! She gives great advice and has written some great books! There are many teachers out there, find them! Find inspirational messages in books, in magazines, in websites, wherever! Positive messages! Don't poison your mind with negative stuff (you can replace "stuff" for any word you wish, anything that diminishes who you are, that makes you feel bad and unworthy, that makes you angry, fearful or anxious). You are a beautiful person (we are beautiful persons), with a special mission/purpose and a spark of greatness within us! Don't ever give up!

Always remember that to be healthier (mentally and physically) we must pay attention to our feelings, thoughts and emotions. These can poison us if they are negative for extended periods of time. We will have them, it's normal, but we must learn to let go of them (whatever it takes without harming others or ourselves). It's easy to become our own worst enemy, like they say, and there's plenty of new research making the connection between our bodies, minds and spirit. If our souls, or minds, or brains, or deeper selves (if you prefer to call it this way) are sick with poisonous thoughts and emotions, our physical bodies will suffer too. We could get physically (and/or mentally) ill. So it's imperative to "pay attention." Take good care of yourselves! All the best to you!

"Drama"

Why is it that some people create so much "drama" in their lives and the lives of others? Have you ever considered this question? I have a “friend” who’s driving me crazy lately with all the drama she creates in her life; and I don’t think she even realizes how negative and annoying she has become. How can we explain to someone that believes she’s always right, and that gets upset very easily and thinks we did something on purpose to hurt her, and is so highly sensitive about everything, that the way she’s reacting and acting is bringing her more drama and negative outcomes? She's affecting the people who surround her, her family, her friends, etc. Stressing everyone including herself, blaming everyone for her problems and not taking responsibility for her actions and inactions.

I believe that in large measure we create our own reality; and we are responsible of creating beauty, happiness, good health, peace or chaos in our lives. Of course, sometimes, like Randy Pausch said: "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” But in my opinion, we must remain optimistic and positive as much as we can, concentrate in the good of others, the good in ourselves, the good in every situation and know that the bad experiences and trials will pass. We all go through tough times at times!

It is so hard to deal with people that thrive on drama. They complicate things so much and incessantly thrive on negative attention. They call friends only to complain and talk about their miseries, never anything positive. They make us feel bad! They want us to believe that we are the ones with the problem... They think they're perfect! God forbid if we are honest with them and try to pinpoint a few of their weaknesses, they take offense right away (who are we to criticize them?) I'm dealing with someone like this right now and it is really stressing me out a lot! I try to be a loving and compassionate friend, and yet, my "friend" assumes things that are not true all the time. She creates certain scenarios to explain some of her behaviors or reasons why she doesn't want to, or cannot, work now, or do something else, or why this, or why that. She hates everyone, her boss, her co-workers, her neighbors, her brother, her relatives, etc. She has too many health problems, her daughter is a mess, etc. I'm even considering stopping our friendship, due to the stress of dealing with someone like her. You may say... what are you waiting for? I like to give people second chances, but at this point I'm at my wit's end with her. We all have some stress in our lives and don't need more than our share. We don't need to explain ourselves all the time, and we don't need to feel like we're walking on egg shells all the time.

I think this behavior is mostly seen in girls and women - not that there aren't any men who exhibit these traits (I know someone at work that is a big "drama king") - and it's so unbecoming! We all like to get attention once in a while, it's only human; but some people thrive on excess drama and behave in outlandish ways to attract any kind of attention. They're not even aware of the stress and undue emotional upset they're causing others. We must learn to be more aware of how our actions and reactions affect others, and learn to be more considerate and not become emotional drains on others. I like what they say in the following site: Harvest of Daily Live: "We often get criticized for pointing out the positive stuff about the situation when this person whines on about all the negative. When we express displeasure over the drama, sad stories or rude comments we are made to feel stupid for feeling or thinking that way. It is clear our views and opinions are not welcome or accepted yet we are expected to remain in the encounter and act as they want us to."

The following site https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthier-minds-happier-world/202311/how-to-recognize-adult-bullying has a great explanation for this type of behavior, titled "How to Recognize and Deal with Adult Bullying." "Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than intelligence quotient, or IQ." Source: https://lasdisidentes.com/2013/11/05/drama-queens-saviours-rescuers-feigners-and-attention-seekers/.

I read that the emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.

Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly (and sadly) very common. Being the center of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love. Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviors, as well, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming.

Very interesting! But who really wants to deal with people like this? It's not easy! It takes a lot of patience and tolerance; and after a while, we just give up; especially when we realize they don't want or are willing to change; that they are very "self-centered," will never admit that they like to create all this drama wherever they go, are simply not willing to change, and, consciously or unconsciously, they enjoy manipulating people - they're getting something out of it. They're on denial and somehow get a kick out of it, because it inflates their ego, I think. They perceive this as some kind of "power." In the meantime, they keep complaining about everything and are always looking for an audience. So, we must keep people like this at bay, since they cause true emotional drain and can weaken us.

I personally feel that people that act this way (the drama kings and queens) can drain our energy to the point of exhaustion, and of course are very hard to deal with. Many times they end up isolating themselves, since people in general avoid them due to their annoying behavior. You can find another good article at: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-crucial-steps-to-minimize-drama-in-your-life/. So get informed and try to avoid or not pay too much attention to "drama" people; and let's try our best not to become like them! Yesterday I found this quote in Facebook: "Protect your spirit from contamination, limit your time with negative people." (Love it!)

Then, I remind myself of "The Paradoxical Commandments" by Kent M. Keith (that many attributed to Mother Teresa because she hung them on a wall of her children's home in Calcutta, India):

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/